


A Little Too Close

by casnovak



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Emotionally Repressed, M/M, Sexual Repression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-03
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-02-07 08:25:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1892121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casnovak/pseuds/casnovak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mac wants Dennis to show him the cool shit he can do with his dick.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Old Dog, New Tricks

"C'mon, man. Do it! Do it! Do it!" Mac chanted while sitting on a kitchen chair. He lifted his hand and punched at the air with every sequence of words.

"No, Mac. That would just be plain creepy. Besides, you've already seen me do it before so why is it necessary for me to once again demonstrate my extraordinary ability?"

"Because, dude, it's amazing! I wish I knew how to do that with my dick!"

"I won't argue with that, Mac. I am pretty amazing."

"Amazing? You're like basically the coolest, most badass dude I know! I used to think that maybe Charlie was kinda cool, but he's just weird."

"Alright, alright. If I show you this one time, will you promise to get outta my face?"

Mac sat up straight, surprised that his plan had worked.

"Yeah, man, I promise." Mac said, a little too eager.

Dennis smiled, looked him over once, then began to work on unbuckling his jeans. Sometimes Mac wondered if Dennis enjoyed all the attention and appraisal that he's prone to giving him. He shifted uneasily as Dennis finally managed to loosen that damn belt buckle. Mac smiled, trying hard not to show how excited he really was. Dennis gripped the belt, slowly sliding it out of each belt loop. He must've known that the anticipation must be killing Mac since he kept tapping his foot on the floor, impatiently.  
Once the belt slid out of the last loop, he unzipped his jeans and dropped them to the floor. Mac's eyes grew in shock as he saw that Dennis was already hard.

"See? Erect."

And in an instant, he went from being completely hard to the point of almost tearing a hole in the briefs (the pair that Mac had given him for his birthday) that read "Big Daddy," to completely soft and barely showing any sign that he actually had genitalia.

"Flaccid." Dennis simply stated.

And the cycle repeated for a few times, going from erect to flaccid in mere seconds.

"See? Easy." Dennis said as he stopped repeating the cycle and stayed hard. He looked towards Mac who had crossed one leg over the other. He smiled. "Do you want to give it a try?" he asked, quite pleased with himself. He folded his arms against his chest.

"Well," Mac began to say as he scratched his head. "I-I don't know if i-it'd be a good idea."

"Do I detect a hint of that third grade stutter? Adorable."

Mac quickly nodded, keeping his mouth shut. His cheeks flushing red with color.

"Why are you so nervous?" Dennis asked, a smirk plastered on his lips. "Am I making you-" He moved closer to Mac, close enough to see tiny beads of sweat on his forehead, "-uncomfortable?"

Mac gulped. "No Den." he said, careful to choose the right words that didn't make him sound like a giant idiot. "It's just-"

Someone knocked on the door.

"Hey! Open up the door you sons of bitches!" Dee said as she continued pounding on the door.

"I think you should get the door." Mac said anxiously.

"Mac, you're not the one whose not wearing any pants and happily flailing his dick out. Besides, you're just sitting there. Go open the door while I get ready."

"I am not going to open the damn door!" Mac said, almost yelling as he crossed his arms. He did his usual scowl, which meant that it was up to Dennis to do it. He was amused. He bent down to pick up his jeans and buckled them up. Then, he glanced towards Mac who was still trying and failing to hide something that anyone with one eye, like Liam McPoyle or rickety Cricket, could see. He made his way towards the door, but stopped short of opening it.

"Just when I was about to show you a new trick."


	2. Dennis, Doubts, and Dee's Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dee has a date, Dennis and Mac react accordingly. Meanwhile, Mac begins to sort out feelings of his own.

"Morning, bitches!" Dee said as she pushed past Dennis.

"Yeah, come right on in." Dennis replied disdainfully.

"So, I was walking down the street, wondering about the exact moment that my life took a turn for the worst, when I found a couple of turds blocking my path. And that got me thinking, don't you boners have your stupid monthly dinner thing?" Dee said as she set down a couple of bags on the kitchen table.

"It's not stupid! You're stupid! Don't you dare say that again or I'm gonna rip your face!" Mac shouted, slashing the air in front of him with one quick movement.

"Hey, hey, hey, Mac, buddy," Dennis went over to him and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him down. "She didn't mean it. It's not her fault that birds have such a tiny brain."

He turned back towards Dee. "Disregarding that poor, poor comparison between us and some fecal matter, yes, today's our monthly anniversary. And, not that I care, but what the hell do you want? Weren't you and Charlie supposed to be down at Paddy's for your little experiment?"

"Well, Dennis, I'm glad you asked. Charlie's still out from huffing too much glue and eating cat food. Won't be awake for a couple of hours if he drank that beer, too. And I," She paused, smiling. "I have a date."

"Sweet Dee, I'm pretty sure that stalking online guys that like Paddy's Pub's Facebook page isn't considered having a date." he said as he smiled at Mac.

"Looks like big bird's flying solo tonight!" Mac said, breaking into laughter with Dennis.

"Good one, Mac!" Dennis said,

"Haha, very funny. I actually told him to meet me at your place, so you dickwads better not ruin this for me."

"Woah, woah, woah. Our place!? What's wrong with yours? You know, apart from all the obvious stuff." Dennis said.

"Oh, that's right! You guys don't know yet!" Dee exclaimed.

Both Dennis and Mac stood up straight.

"What!? What don't we know? I wanna know! Tell me!" Mac said.

"You know how Charlie's place is practically an interstate for cats? Well he says that one of the cats turned into a woman, more specifically the Waitress, and said she wanted to bang him. And Charlie being Charlie didn't think twice. Guess that glue is some pretty hard stuff. Next thing you know his place is full of baby kittens!"

Dennis nodded, clearly not fooled by Dee's elaborate story.

"And how does that fit with you meeting your potential victim at our place?" Dennis asked. "Assuming that you haven't blinded him already."

Mac, on the other hand, believed every single word. "Woah! So you're saying that I'm now the uncle of some human/cat hybrids? This is gonna be sweet! It's just like the ninja turtles! I'm gonna make sure they're badass, and when they're old enough, I'm gonna teach 'em my sweet moves. And-" Mac couldn't stop talking.

"Mac!" Dennis yelled to get his attention. He stopped, mid-karate move, and looked towards Dennis, his smile dropping. "She's lying."

"What?" Mac asked, surprised.

"Yeah. Sorry to burst your, weird, little, bubble you got going on, but she played you like a piano at a Josh Groban concert. Sorry man, but it's just not possible." said Dennis.

"Wait, so I'm not gonna be an uncle?" Mac asked.

Dennis nodded.

"Hey, hey. I wasn't completely lying. Charlie and Frank's place is littered, but with disgusting cockroaches." She shivered at the thought of countless little animals running around her apartment. "They said they were gonna get the place fumigated, so I let them stay as long as they didn't touch anything and Frank paid me rent."

"And by fumigated you mean-" Dennis began.

"Charlie work. Yep." Dee said.

"Yeah, well I'm not surprised that it didn't happen any sooner. That place is a complete dump." Dennis added.

"It is a dump." Mac agreed. "And now, Charlie could put that rat beating stick that I gave him to good use."

"Anyway, that's why they're at my place. And that's why I'm at yours." Dee concluded.

"You know what, Dee? Usually I'd kick you out of our apartment. But I'm feeling a bit charitable today." Dennis said, a smirk on his mouth.

"Aww, Dennis. No, seriously. Why are you doing this?" Dee asked blankly.

Dennis gasped, feigning surprise. "I'm shocked that you'd think I, Dennis Reynolds, would have an ulterior motive."

"You know what? I don't really care. You might have your own stupid reasons, but I have a date to get ready for." She took her bags off the table and into the restroom.

"Wow, Dennis. I can't believe you didn't kick her out. Must be because of our special day, right?" Mac said as he bumped his elbow against Dennis'.

"Oh I didn't kick her out. I didn't kick her out because I want to see how this train wreck of a so-called date is going to unfold." Dennis said.

"Oh." Mac said, a little saddened.

Dennis furrowed his eyebrows. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing. It's just...something stupid."

"What?" Dennis insisted.

"I just...want this day to be perfect, y'know? I mean, there's always that one thing that ruins our plans. Not getting the right table, other people showing up, getting into stupid arguments over the littlest things."

"But, Mac. I like our little arguments." Dennis said.

"You-what?" Mac asked, somewhat confused.

"Yeah, I like when we argue over the stupidest things. I like seeing how passionate you get about a certain topic, even though I might not always agree with you. I like seeing how you'd defy the very laws of the universe by supporting a totally irrational theory. Like that one time when you made everyone, including me, kinda doubt the theory of Darwinism."

"Wait, you said you didn't believe me. Like, at all." Mac said.

"I wasn't going to admit defeat in front of the campaign now was I? It would've made me look, I don't know, weak. The fact is, I like what makes us...us."

_Dennis, you also got me doubting myself. I'm into chicks, I mean, I'm really into chicks. But then there's the beefcakes and...there's you. Maybe I should try being a little more like country Mac. Maybe I should be more of a risk taker. Maybe..._

Those were all things that Mac wanted to scream at the top of his lungs, to make sure that everyone in Philadelphia could hear. But he was still too afraid.

"Yeah, me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to make my story structured into an episode. There are going to be chapters with the Gang, the Waitress, and such, but I'm going to make Mac and Dennis the main points of the story. Next chapter is going to be about Charlie and Frank.


	3. Waking Up to Old Habits and Free Pizza

"Rise and shine!"

Frank yanked the curtains open so that the sun could illuminate the entire room. Charlie grumbled something under his breath, put himself into an even weirder position than before, and went back to happily snoring.

"Goddammit, Charlie. Get the hell up! We got a full fridge to raid!"

Charlie opened his eyes. After the Waitress, the gang, beer, Paddy's, and coming up with uniquely disturbing songs, Charlie loved food as much as he hated the putrid sight of other peoples' knees.

He stirred in the makeshift bed -a couple of torn up newspapers for bedding, a towel for a blanket, and a couch cushion for a pillow- until he was able to pull himself up and sit straight.

"Frank? Why're you up so early?" Charlie managed to croak out as he rubbed the morning crust out of his eyes. He yawned.

"For the 5th time, I didn't eat no dang cat food, and I'm not wasted. Though I wish I was, there's no need to anymore. Remember? No cats here," Frank said as he gestured towards the living room.

"Oh." Having just woken up, it took Charlie approximately thirty seconds for his brain to compute what Frank was saying to him. "Oh! That's right! We're at-," He looked around the tidy apartment. Apart from the place Charlie was sleeping, everything seemed to be organized and clean, a little too clean. "-Dee's. Huh. Old habits die hard, I guess."

He stretched his hands and legs, which were accompanied by the cracking sounds of several bones, making Frank wince at every stretch.

"Woah, it reeks in here! When's the last time you washed that damn unicorn shirt and those filthy long johns?" Frank asked, pinching his nose tightly.

"What? These old things?" Charlie said while grabbing his night garments. "I don't know, like a month, maybe two?"

"Well it smells like somebody died in here! Either start washing 'em more or get rid of them cuz it's stinking up the place. Do you want Deandra to kick us out of her apartment?"

"Whatever, man. What about you? Look at those smelly pants! It smells all the way over here!"

"I just washed them."

"When? I didn't see you do it."

"How could ya? You were too busy conning out."

"You don't have any proof!"

"I-"

The doorbell rang.

Both Charlie and Frank froze in place, none daring to make a move.

The doorbell rang again.

"Pizza delivery for a Mr. Frank Reynolds."

They both looked at each other.

"That witch!" Charlie said, quickly pacing back and forth.

"I know she's hideous, Charlie, but don't you mean-"

"No! I meant what I said! She's just disappeared on us and leaves us with a pizza delivery guy who we can't pay? She's toying with us, tempting us, she's-"

"It's already been paid for if that's what you're wondering." said the voice coming from the opposite side of the door.

"Oh," Charlie said, "in that case, let's open that sucker up, don't you think?"

Frank nodded in agreement. They opened the door, grabbed the pizza, and slammed the door into the poor kid's face whose outstretched hand was almost caught waiting for a tip.

"Wait, wait, wait." Frank said. "Why would Deandra buy us a pizza? She's got me paying rent and she just decides to spend money, her money, on us? She's must be hiding something."

"Oh, she's totally hiding something," Charlie agreed.

"And we're gonna find out what that is," Frank said as he rubbed his hands together, a scheme already forming in his mind. He was getting ready to leave.

"Wait, can we finish this pizza first? I mean, if we just leave it, it's gonna go to waste and spoil and then I'll feel bad for dumping a totally perfect pizza to the trash. I mean, not that that's any problem with me, but you don't eat food out of the garbage."

"You're right. Let's dig in."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that's it's been so long, guys, but this is a story that I just had to continue. I'll try and be more active from now on.
> 
> Find me on Tumblr:  
> mac-dennis   
> izombie  
> hunterdean


	4. Sweet Moves Mac

"Ahh, man!" Mac said as he pattered around the apartment floor. "I can't hold it in anymore. No bladder, in the world, should go through this kind of torture, Dennis. None."

"Just try holding it in for a few more minutes, alright Mac?" Dennis said. He turned towards the bathroom door. "C'mon, Dee! It's been over an hour! How long do you really need to get ready for your date? You and I both know there's nothing much you could do to make yourself somewhat attractive, so just drop the getup and get out of there. Mac really needs to use it."

"Well if you really care so much, why don't you go tell him to pee in a bottle, or whatever crap you have lying around." Dee replied snarkily.

"Ah, I see what you're doing. You're stalling. Why? Because he's already cancelled on you. And now you find yourself at an impasse. Shall you admit to the humiliation of rejection by stomping back to your apartment? Or shall you pretend to meet him somewhere else so as to minimize the chance of us knowing what really happened? What's it going to be, Dee?"

Dennis felt pretty confident, hell, he'd bet anyone one thousand dollars, that that's what Dee was going through, until someone began knocking on the door.

"Deandra?" said the voice.

"Oh, Goddammit! He's here already!" She opened the bathroom door and, for once, she actually felt like she looked pretty decent, though she could have gone a little easier on the makeup. "Tell him I'm not ready. That I haven't shown up. That-"  
Mac pushed her aside and went straight for the bathroom.

"Dee, calm down. Listen, you're as ready as you'll ever be able to pull off. Believe me, you do look, maybe in a parallel universe where the poor guy's lost his sense of sight, somewhat presentable."

"Dennis, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. Actually, that's the only nice thing you've ever said to me. What the hell's going on?"

"Like I said, I'm feeling charitable."

Dee squinted her eyes; she knew something was up with Dennis, but she couldn't exactly pinpoint what that what is. She glared at him, who in turn smiled and shrugged his shoulders, a smug but innocent look plastered on face. What is he up to, she wondered.

The person outside the door kept knocking, prompting Dee to focus on that instead of her devious brother. She quickly brushed off whatever stuff might be clinging to the front of her small black dress as well as stuffed the price tag somewhere out of sight, and gave Dennis a small warning, "You better not ruin this for me," before turning the door knob.

"Hey!" she said as she stepped forward, hugging the stranger. He was well-built, 6ft tall, and had a slightly darker skin tone than Mac. He smiled as he caught sight of her.

"Hey!" he said, with an equal amount of enthusiasm. "Hope I'm not too early."

"Early? Nah," she replied, easing up a bit.

"Oh, good! Didn't wanna, y'know, mess up on our first date." He smiled.

"Oh, Kyle, you shouldn't have." Dee said as she grabbed the bouquet of roses in his hand. 

Her fingers traced over the plastic cone holding the individual flowers together, going over a rough texture as her fingers traveled upward. She touched the nearest rose, carefully so as to avoid pricking her finger, and found that the rose was fake. The entire bouquet was fake. And to top it all off, the price tag was still attached, reading $2.

"No really, you shouldn't have."

Kyle saw the confused face on Dee and quickly said, "What's better than real roses that will eventually wilt and die? Plastic roses that'll stay as vibrant as the day you got them!"

"Oh." she said, subtly frowning.

Mac opened the bathroom door.

"Hey, Dennis? I think we're all out of toilet pap-" Mac said, stopping mid-word.

"Mac!" Dee said with a look imploring for him to stop acting like himself. "This is Kyle, my date!"

Mac turned towards Kyle and got a good look at him.

He's tall, he thought. He seems like a real beefcake, too. And-

"Hey, Man," Kyle said. "Nice to meet you."

Mac simply stood there, observing him.

"What are you doing, Mac? Shake the man's hand," Dennis firmly said near his ear.

"Oh, sorry. I-uh, was doing an ocular assessment. He's good."

Kyle smiled.

"You're not too bad yourself," Kyle replied.

"Excuse me?" Mac said, caught off guard.

"Yeah, it usually takes me a few seconds to assess the situation beforehand," Kyle said, tauntingly. "But I'd say that judging from your lack of experience, your not half-bad."

"Wha-lack of experience? I'll show you lack of experience," Mac replied angrily. He did his signature whooshing sounds as he completed a series of attempted karate moves.

"Oh, no." Dee began to say. "Not this shit again."

"Those are some pretty sweet moves." Kyle said, immediately diffusing the situation.

"You think so?" Mac asked, all traces of anger gone.

"Yeah, alright. We don't wanna be late for our special day we have planned, right Kyle?" Dee said.

He somewhat hesitated before answering.

"Yeah, uh, we should get going."

"Besides," Dee said. "I bet our date is going to be way better than yours."

"Oh! I didn't realize you guys were-" Kyle said, simultaneously pointing at both Mac and Dennis.

"No, no, no, no. Mac and I are just friends. Really close friends. Tonight's our monthly anniversary for living together, so we go to this fancy restaurant to commemorate the event. But no, it's not a date. It's just- two friends hanging out at a very nice restaurant having a very nice time enjoying each other's company."

"Yeah," Mac added, "And I'm not gay."

"Right. Well, it sounds like fun," Kyle said. He turned towards the door to the hallway ready to leave. "Anyway, see ya around, Mac." He looked at Dennis and slightly tipped his head before leaving with Dee, closing the door behind him.

Dennis glanced over at Mac, who was grinning like an idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 chapters in one day? What???
> 
> Anyway, I know they're short, but I kinda like this format and how it's actually turning out.
> 
> Will update this story in a few days, and will maybe update a few others, too.
> 
> MACDENNIS IS LIFE


End file.
